Years ago, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman faced a challenging period in their friendship. Communication faltered, and their connection felt strained. As they are deeply committed to their friendships, having co-authored the book Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close, they decided to explore an unconventional solution: friendship therapy.
Similar to couples counseling, friendship therapy involves a therapist guiding friends to understand their relationship dynamics, identify issues, and work towards resolution. “The structure was crucial because it helped us see beyond surface-level problems and recognize patterns,” Sow explains. “It was beneficial to have an objective person asking us insightful questions.”
In 2016, when Sow and Friedman sought this type of therapy, the concept was relatively novel. They encountered challenges finding a therapist experienced in handling friendships, rather than romantic or business relationships. One therapist, for instance, mistakenly assumed their issues were rooted in romantic attraction. However, as awareness of the importance of friendships for well-being grows, friendship therapy is becoming more widely accepted.
Miriam Kirmayer, a Canadian clinical psychologist specializing in friendship, notes that societal views on friendship are evolving. Barbie Atkinson, a friendship therapist at Catalyst Counseling in Houston, has observed this shift firsthand. She notes that while she previously fielded inquiries from those unsure if therapy for friends was appropriate, now about 25% of her clients are friends attending sessions together.
Atkinson’s clients seek therapy for various reasons, including reconciling political differences, processing shared grief, or navigating life changes such as moving or starting a family. “It’s about addressing normal human experiences,” she says.
Friendship therapy generally mirrors the process used in couples counseling, focusing on understanding attachment styles, improving communication, and setting relationship goals. “It’s about two people wanting to reconnect and actively working to repair their relationship,” Atkinson explains.
Victoria Kress, a professor of psychological sciences and counseling at Youngstown State University, asserts that most conflicts in friendships, unless they are toxic or abusive, can be resolved collaboratively. Kress, who previously worked as a college counselor, emphasizes that seeking therapy for personal relationship issues is both normal and beneficial. “Friendship counseling promotes growth and healing that can positively impact all relationships in a person’s life,” she says.
Research highlights the significant role of close friendships in well-being. By 2023, 61% of U.S. adults reported that having close friendships is essential for a fulfilling life, surpassing the importance of marriage or parenthood for many. As traditional milestones become less central, people are increasingly turning to platonic relationships for support, sometimes with the aid of therapy.
Though friendship therapy does not have a specific certification or degree, it is essentially “systemic therapy,” a framework used in couples therapy to explore how relationships affect well-being, according to Paul Hokemeyer, a marriage and family therapist based in Colorado. Hokemeyer has noticed growing demand for this service and has worked with friends navigating significant life transitions.
As more people recognize the value of strong friendships, friendship therapy is emerging as a valuable tool for maintaining and enhancing these vital connections.
